We are a team, and a pretty awesome one. What one of us has as a weakness, the other makes up in strength. Throwing a baby in the mix has brought a whole different level of learning about eachother. My biggest struggle is finding that balance between keeping my household running smoothly, and giving more parental responsibility to my husband. Don't get me wrong! He is an amazing father! I have heard so many other "men" brag about how they've never changed a diaper, and panic if they have to spend more than an hour in charge. My husband has done so much with all of those aspects, as well as making quality time for baby M.
My struggle is with his time management and his "it'll be how it'll be" philosophy." Proper sleep and consistency is such a vital component of a child's brain development. Something that is so important to me is that baby M is going to bed on time: 8PM. Simple, right? With my husband's difficulty with time management, bed time turns into 9, 9:30 on evenings that I'm not home. I'm working on being more flexible, and am now able to compromise with the occasional 8:30 bedtime, but 9:30 is robbing baby M of an entire hour and a half of sleep. Sleep that may or not be made up (if he decides to sleep in). The icing on the cake is that as a stay at home mom... it is a ripple effect into the following day: catching up to get him on schedule, dealing with extra moodiness, changing plans that I had made for that day... When mama isn't happy, nobody is happy.
I want to be transparent here, it drives me crazy! My biggest difficulty is giving my husband some grace and rolling situations off of my back, but also holding him accountable as an adult who is responsible for another who is incapable of making important choices for themselves. I'm writing this at 11PM, and that little peanut is up and awake as I speak! I know my husband flips the off switch from what he calls "lectures." I want to be able to coach him in a loving way, and am still working on this. Sometimes my frustrations get the best of me, and I am not so graceful with him. Words and a tone of disappointment only make the situation worse.
Hoping that though this journey of marriage, I can learn quickly the balance of grace and accountability. Focusing on this verse to meditate on, "Be completely humble and gentle; Be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace." Ephesians 4:2-3
Marriage brings the good, the bad, and the smelly. I know at times, I'm guilty of it too, but what is it about husbands breaking wind?
I don't know about you all, but mine is a special case. He has the weakest gut lining of anyone else I know. All it takes is the right combination of food, and the perfect storm has been created.
Take the other night for example. It was one of those evenings where I was busy reading and having some alone time; in comes the hubby bloated belly and all. It would be one thing if it was a slip up followed with an excuse me, but that wouldn't be my husband. Instead, the 200+ lb. man lays on top of me for a hug, just enough to interrupt my reading while pinning my legs. Then it comes, the dreaded rumble and the fear that follows. "Love me." he says... then the stench. I'm not kidding! It's the awful, suffocating kind that you can taste! There's nothing worse than being trapped with that lingering stench.
After 15 minutes of torture, man giggles, and a few more "love me" comments, I finally broke free. He would have never dreamt of doing this while we were dating
... and yet in a strange way, I guess this is love.
By: Queue Murphy
Should I be my husband’s mother? Is it my job to keep reminding him what he should not be eating…and when to exercise?
My husband was recently diagnosed with kidney disease - because of this, he has a restricted diet. When we found out about the disease, we first spent a few days surfing the internet, trying to find out what he could and could not eat. Talk about internet information overload…. From what we read, depending upon the stage you were in with your kidney disease, you had a specific diet. Was it high protein, or low protein, lots of water, little water – we were very confused, and he started to become afraid to eat anything!
We called the doctor and asked to sit with a nutritionist. She went over his daily diet in detail, telling him what he could eat, what he could not eat, and where he was falling short on his requirements.
It’s been 6 months since our visit with the nutritionist and my husband frequently forgets what he should or should not be eating. I watch him eat lots of junk food when we go out, and even go to the store to bring it home. He always feels achy and bad. I have told him how much he means to us – even the kids have. We have asked and even begged, and even ignored, hoping he would take care of himself better. I have found myself scolding him when he goes over on his protein, or does not drink enough water with lemon. He gets frustrated with me telling him what he should not be eating all the time and I don’t want to do it. He’s a big boy – but at the same time, I am scared about his disease progressing faster – we need him!
How do you convince someone you care about to take care of themselves so you don’t feel the need to keep reminding them?
I read this posting that describes: 1) Not nagging or bullying; 2) telling them how you feel from your own truth – how you feel when you see them not taking care of themselves – don’t speak in a way that blames them (hard to do when you are scared and worried); 3) Model healthy behavior yourself; 4) Give them space; 5) Reflect back their choices; 6) Try to understand their pain. http://www.wikihow.com/Get-a-Stubborn-Family-Member-to-Look-After-Themselves. I am going to consciously try these things from a place of love and see what they bring. Any other thoughts out there?
Queue is a mother of 4. She is raising her second generation of kids and loves to create. She loves to travel, bike ride and swim. She loves diversity, politics and long drives on untraveled roads.